Trepidation
by aloquaciousgirl
Summary: Jasper just wants to keep Alice safe and happy.


Title: **Trepidation **

Characters/Pairing: Alice Cullen/Jasper

Rating: K/PG

Count: 1,113

Summary: Jasper only wants to keep Alice safe and happy.

Notes: x-posted to LJ's _10iloveyou_ challenge community.

* * *

He had always been-always was-deeply in-tuned to Alice's feelings. Once, Jasper had used it as his own edge to make sure that their would never be a situation in which Alice would feel threatened, or sad, or any alternative, negative emotion, only happy and loved. It was his _only _desire to do what made her happy.

And then one night, a very short time into their time together (even though it had already felt impossible for him to remember a time without her) she made a request of him.

"Jasper?" Her voice had been riddled with trepidation, and he quickly took her hands in his, wanting to fix whatever it was that filled her with anxiety immediately. "I need to ask you to do something for me."

"You know that I would do anything for you."

She nodded her head, she knew. "Of course I do. Which is why…" She paused, "this is very hard…"

"It doesn't have to be." He assured her quickly. "You can always tell me anything--everything, Alice."

"You're too good to me, Jasper." She smiled, her lips turning up softly and if his heart could still beat, it would have stopped in that moment. "Would you understand if I told you that…sometimes…" Alice sighed, she hated to even say this, it made her feel horrible after Jasper was so….perfect in every way she could have hoped for.

"Please, please don't feel like that." Jasper pulled her close in his arms and kissed the top of her head. He focused on a sense of calm, and felt her sigh into him.

"Would it be too much, if I told you that perfection isn't important Jasper? Would that make the slightest sense?" Alice frowned, this didn't sound right.

Jasper's eyes furrowed in concentration, and she could see she wasn't being quite clear enough.

"You don't need to manipulate everything around us to make the world perfect." She clarified, "Life…is messy, and I'm okay with that, it makes me feel…human, to be a part of the imperfections."

Jasper smiled slightly, "You want to feel human, Alice."

She nodded her head, "_We _can feel human."

He promised, and the foreboding feeling faded away. He hoped it was something she would never feel again. The thought of his Alice suffering anxiety over speaking to him filled him with pain--he couldn't bear the thought of something he could do, or would do…causing her unnecessary pain.

Eighty years had passed before he felt the same emotion, and it cut him deeply. Alice was worried to talk to him…about something.

By all accounts, it was something no amount of time had prepared him for, they had no secrets, and thus no need for such things. But here they were laying in bed, Alice curled up against his body, his arms wrapped securely around her, and he was hit by an almost suffocating wave of unease with filled him with a foreboding sense of fear.

"Something is wrong." He stated slowly, unmoving from the position that they had lain in.

She hadn't expected to keep her concern to herself for long, but she hadn't expected for her husband to look so fearful before she could say anything.

She shook her head. "I don't think so."

"What aren't you telling me, Alice?"

"You won't like it, Jasper." She curled closer into him, comforted by his arms. This was one thing that was better kept to herself.

He'd never had her hold something back from himself with any prodding, and it was disbelief that hit him once the pain subsided. "Alice…?"

She was torn when she felt the pain in his voice, she hadn't meant for this to cause him any sort of pain, just to protect him from worry. "Jasper," She curled her fingers around his hand. "Please, I didn't mean for this to hurt you…I just didn't want to tell you something that would upset you."

He was quiet for a moment. "Don't worry about upsetting me, my only concern is for you."

And her only concern was for him. "I know. Which is why…we all need someone don't we?"

He quickly saw what she was getting at, Alice was anything but subtle. "You've been with Edward recently, haven't you? What has he been talking about?" He did not like the idea of Edward's infatuation with a human, it could only bode badly for him, for all of them maybe.

She shook her head. "He won't talk." She looked at Jasper pointedly, "You should be more understanding, everyone should."

"Edward should listen to everyone." Jasper was momentarily distracted. "He's putting himself in great danger, and torturing himself for no reason at all."

"You're wrong." Alice disagreed. "I talked to him for a very long time yesterday…since no one seems to anymore."

She was angry, but he would not change his stance. He agreed with Emmett, Edward would only be hurt more if he was allowed to play into the infatuation. He was controlled, but even Carlisle might not have that much control.

"I like her." Alice said, "She's very nice, and she likes Edward, very much so."

"Alice, what are you talking about?" Jasper was worried about her sudden opinions of the girl. "What do you know of this girl?"

"She's not, '_this girl,' _Jasper. Her name is Bella, and she and I are going to be very good friends one day."

Jasper froze at the tone of her words. "What are you talking about?"

She sighed, "Yes, I can see you don't like it. Edward wasn't happy about it either--if he wasn't such a gentleman I think he would have thrown something at me."

"Alice, please, what did you see?"

"There is no need for everyone to be attacking Edward about consequences, and worrying about the entire affair." Alice brightened, "Bella will be part of the family soon."

Jasper frowned with deep displeasure. "Alice…"

"Please don't ruin this Jasper," Alice begged, "She's my best friend…or she will be. We'll be sisters once Edward gets over the shock of it all."

Jasper was silent, how could he destroy Alice's sudden earnest happiness? He'd sworn to defend it, to do anything in his power to just…make her happy. Did he have any right to interfere…

"I understand." She said quite suddenly, "But its okay, you'll warm up to her Jasper. You and Bella will be great friends too."

She smiled and curled deeper into the crook of his shoulder and Jasper decided, to just go with it. He would be only a product of his environment. Animals evolve when their environments change--however, if the situation became a threat, he would make a difficult decision then.

_The _difficult decision.


End file.
